Talkback with Author Rahim Thawer and Dr. Marco Posadas

Edited Transcript, Virtual Book Launch 6/31/2025

The Mental Health Guide for Cis and Trans Guys (New Harbinger Publications, June 1, 2025)

Opening Reflections

Marco:
Welcome, everyone. Thanks for your patience — we were just letting a few latecomers arrive and sorting out some tech issues. I’m excited to welcome you to this Talkback event featuring Rahim Thawer and his newest book, The Mental Health Guide for Cis and Trans Guys.

My name is Marco Posadas, and I’m honored to guide this meaningful conversation. I’m a psychotherapist and psychoanalyst in private practice in Toronto, and I was invited to facilitate this event.

Let me start by introducing Rahim. He’s a registered social worker, psychotherapist, and certified clinical supervisor. He’s also a consultant, speaker, and writer. Rahim is the founder of Affective Consulting and Psychotherapy Services and has delivered over 200 talks, inspiring critical dialogue on mental health, systemic oppression, interpersonal effectiveness, and queer relationships.

Originally from Toronto, Rahim now teaches at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa as a full-time instructor, while also completing his Doctorate in Social Work.

As a queer Muslim, his clinical work and scholarship consistently explore the intersections of mental health and systemic oppression.

In the past year alone, Rahim has received numerous awards, including the Mary Smith Arnold Anti-Oppression Award from the American Counseling Association, the Honorary Award in Education from South Asian Americans for Change, and the Distinguished Leader Award from the Ontario Association of Social Workers.

He’s also the co-editor of Any Other Way: How Toronto Got Queer, which was nominated for the Toronto Book Awards, and he self-published four clinical guides on assessment, treatment planning, documentation, and countertransference.

I first met Rahim in 2009, when I was running a program called Towel Talk that offered counseling in bathhouses. He had just finished undergrad and was part of Aqua, and I’ve had the privilege of watching his career evolve ever since. I deeply admire the way his work has grown — from sexual health to psychotherapy to organizational leadership.

Rahim:
 Thank you, Marco. I love the timeline you laid out — it reminds me how far we’ve come, both personally and professionally, and how much my understanding of social work and psychotherapy has deepened over the years.

Reframing Mental Health for Queer Men

Marco:
 Before we dive in, I’d like to begin with a land acknowledgment. In Toronto, we’re gathered on the traditional territory of many Indigenous peoples, including the Anishinaabe, the Haudenosaunee, the Wendat, and the Mississaugas of the Credit. We are within the bounds of Treaty 13 and the Dish With One Spoon Wampum Agreement.

This event is about being in conversation with the author of a groundbreaking new book. The Mental Health Guide for Cis and Trans Guys officially launches tomorrow, and it’s available through Another Story Bookshop in Roncesvalles.

Rahim, your book reads as incredibly accessible — it feels like it’s written directly to the reader. As a queer Mexican immigrant, I found your writing deeply relatable. In Latin America, psychotherapy is culturally familiar, but here in North America, mental health often carries stigma. You’ve managed to make the subject welcoming, especially for queer men who might feel alienated from traditional wellness spaces.

Let’s start with this: Why did you write this book?

Rahim:
I began working in the HIV sector around 2008–2009, and while I was passionate about sexual health, a lot of my interests were shaped by what was being funded at the time. Conversations around homophobia, substance use, or mental health had to be tied back to sexual health in order to be eligible for funding.

That made sense during the height of the AIDS epidemic, but I felt it was time to broaden the lens. I wanted to decenter HIV as the only framework and explore the full range of mental health determinants for queer men. That includes things like internalized shame, homophobia, biophobia, and living in a body-conscious culture.

I also wanted to name how queer people’s experiences of mental health are different from our straight and cisgender counterparts. We might all be given the same diagnostic label — like depression — but the reasons we’re depressed, and how we experience it, can be entirely different.

Sexual health is one determinant — but not the only one — of queer men’s mental health. I wanted us to explore the broader picture.

I wrote the book based on my personal experiences and what I’ve observed in clinical work. I structured it around social determinants that affect our mental health and provided therapeutic tools for working through each of them.

The Core Messages of the Book

Marco:
There’s a mix of folks in the audience — some clinicians, some writers, some community members. What would you say is the core message or affirmation at the heart of your book?

Rahim:
There are a few core messages. First, your personal world — your subculture, employment, environment — has a huge impact on your mental health. You need to identify what in your environment is influencing your mental health.

Second, I offer a list of key determinants that affect queer men’s mental health — everything from aging and shame to relationship patterns and substance use.

Third, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. We need to engage and process these influences, not just name them. For instance, employment is often named as a mental health determinant. But what if your job is draining? Or isolating? Or full of conflict? That nuance matters.

Naming the determinant isn’t enough.
We need to explore how you move through it.

Marco:
What do you hope a queer reader who feels excluded from traditional wellness spaces takes away from this book?

Rahim:
That they can see themselves in it. The book is filled with case studies and written in a conversational tone — it’s designed to feel like a dialogue with the reader. Each chapter covers an issue, not a modality. So whether someone’s dealing with aging, internalized shame, or substance use, they can find a relevant chapter and dive in.

A lot of people don’t know how to connect their issues with the tools therapists use. They look at a therapist’s website and see a list of modalities — CBT, DBT, psychodynamic — and think, “But how does that help me with my anxiety, or shame, or loneliness?” This book flips that. It starts with the issue and then offers tools.

Self-Help Stigma and Accessibility

Marco:
Let’s talk about self-help. What would you say to someone who hates self-help books or has never picked one up because of the stigma?

Rahim:
What you’re describing is stigma — and I get it. I didn’t like self-help books either, until I wrote one.

Marco:
Farzana just chimed in the chat saying she loves crying in bookstores! I love crying too — not just in bookstores.

Rahim:
(Laughs) Talking about difficult experiences — whether in therapy or through self-reflection — brings up emotion. That emotion might be anxiety, shame, confusion, or frustration. But pushing through the stigma is often part of the healing. Sometimes, people say to me, “It took me six months just to look for a therapist.” That delay is real. But if someone can pick up a book and start that reflection process sooner, that’s powerful.

Writing from Lived Experience

Marco:
One thing I loved is how personal the writing feels. You start the book with a powerful line:

“Since before you were born, other people have probably had expectations for you and who you were to be.”

That hit me. It made me feel the weight of those expectations. As a clinician myself, it really resonated on a personal level.

Rahim:
That sentence came from a memory — being in a hospital room at Mount Sinai when my first nephew was born. My dad immediately began imagining who the baby would become: a leader in our Muslim community. I remember thinking, “That’s the expectation? Can we dream bigger?”

So much of our trauma as queer people comes from these layered expectations — what we were supposed to become, how we were supposed to live. Especially in immigrant families, there’s often this idea of intergenerational sacrifice. The dream is that the children fulfill that sacrifice. But queerness can disrupt that dream. And that disruption carries grief.

Queerness disrupts inherited dreams — and that disruption brings grief.

Working with Internalized Oppression

Marco:
Let’s go deeper into the clinical aspects. How do you approach internalized oppression — in both your clients and yourself — and how does your book guide that?

Rahim:
That’s a big one.

Marco:
I can give you a hint! In Chapter 2, you talk about homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia — and later in the chapter, internalized shame.

Rahim:
Right. So, many people today are seeking therapists who share their identities. That can provide safety — but it also creates what Dr. Melon Forrest calls a “similarity of disadvantage and assumed sameness.”

This means a client might expect, consciously or not, that I’ll understand everything because I’m queer too. But their struggles might activate my own internalized shame. That can get in the way of good care.

On the flip side, a cis-het therapist might unintentionally align with the dominant culture. For example, if a gay man shares shame about casual sex, a therapist might say, “Maybe that’s not right for you. Maybe you need more meaningful connection.” That sounds harmless, but it misses the role of homophobia and sexual stigma. It can actually become a microaggression.

A therapist might unknowingly align with a homophobic world — and call it care.

Marco:
That’s so true. Many therapists cause harm unintentionally — often out of anxiety or lack of training. Your book helps clinicians, especially straight ones, avoid those pitfalls.

I want to pause for a second and explain “transference” for anyone unfamiliar. It refers to patterns of relating that we develop through our early experiences — how we project those patterns onto others. In therapy, this shows up in how clients relate to their therapists, especially around closeness, trust, and power.

The Three Modalities Behind the Book

Marco:
You use three core modalities in your book: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Gestalt Therapy, and Psychodynamic Therapy. Why these three?

Rahim:
The simple answer is: that’s what I was trained in. But the deeper answer is about their complementary strengths.

Let’s start with CBT. It focuses on the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The goal isn’t positive thinking — it’s realistic thinking.

So if someone wants to go to a bar alone but is anxious, we’d break it down:

• What are the feelings? (“Anxiety and fear.”)
• What are the automatic thoughts? (“People will think I’m weird.”)
• What does that say about you? (“I’m a failure.”)

Then we’d evaluate those thoughts and replace them with a more grounded one: “Some people may talk to me, and if they don’t, it might not be about me.”

Marco:
Exactly. CBT gives people tools to label their thoughts and reduce catastrophizing. It’s empowering.

Rahim:
Then there’s Gestalt Therapy — which is about contact. It uses tools like the “empty chair” technique, where someone can speak to a person they never got closure with, or even to a part of themselves.

You can talk to your childhood bully, to your younger self, or even to a substance you use — like alcohol. The goal is to close the gap between different parts of the self and bring coherence.

Demystifying Psychoanalysis

Marco:
Now let’s talk about the third one — psychodynamic or psychoanalytic therapy. I’m biased. It’s my favorite!

Rahim:
Psychoanalysis gets a bad rap. People think “Freud” and tune out. But modern psychodynamic therapy isn’t about Freud’s psychosexual stages. It’s about attachment, defense mechanisms, and the unconscious.

If you talk about early experiences, relationships, or what’s going on under the surface — you’re doing psychodynamic therapy, even if you don’t call it that.

When all other modalities fall short, therapists turn to the psychodynamic.

Even popular conversations on colonization or systemic oppression often rely on unconscious processes. That’s psychoanalytic thinking. Social media therapists talk about attachment styles, inner children, and trauma — that’s the language of depth psychology.

My publisher originally wanted me to focus just on CBT because of its evidence base. But I argued: if insight from psychodynamic therapy or a memorable experience in Gestalt changes someone’s life — is that not evidence too?

Marco:
I love that. Also, for folks who don’t know: the founders of both CBT and Gestalt Therapy started out in psychoanalysis. So the lineage is there.

Who the Book Is For — And How to Use It

Marco:
Who is this book for? Is it just for queer men, or can therapists and service providers also benefit?

Rahim:
There are so many ways to use it. It’s a self-help book, so you can read it solo, work through the exercises, or reflect on what feels relevant. But it’s also a resource for clinicians.

Therapists can use it to deepen their assessment skills — especially when working with queer clients. It helps you know what kinds of questions to ask and where to dig deeper. And if you run a community program or support group, each chapter can become a standalone session. There are 15 chapters, each with a different determinant of mental health — so you have material for a full year of programming.

Plus, on the publisher’s website, there are downloadable handouts and extra tools. Nothing in the book is wasted space — it’s all dense content. That makes it a really practical guide.

It’s a reading book, an exercise book, and a group curriculum — all in one.

Marco:
I also appreciated that every case example you include is racialized. That’s so rare. Even when the client isn’t a person of color, the therapeutic dyad is — which makes the interaction racialized by default.

Rahim:
Exactly. I didn’t want people to have to “translate themselves” into the text. So often, especially in training, we read older white-centric case examples and have to internally rewrite them to make them resonate. That’s exhausting and alienating. I wanted to remove that barrier.

What Are the Determinants of Mental Health?

Marco:
 You’ve been talking about social determinants of health — can you give us a Reader’s Digest version of what that means?

Rahim:
 The concept comes from public health. It names things like housing, employment, education, early life trauma, experiences of violence, and access to food as factors that shape health outcomes.

Now, the mental health determinants extend that thinking. Organizations like the Mental Health Commission of Canada and CMHA have shown that things like belonging, discrimination, and social support are just as important to mental health outcomes.

When I was developing a course on mental health promotion, I came across a book by Manoj Sharma that added things like self-esteem, resilience, and optimism to the list. There are even psychometric scales to measure those.

But my interest has always been more population-based. What are the stressors that affect a particular group — in this case, queer men? That’s why I ask: what are the internal hierarchies of your subculture? What is your proximity to power, and how does your lack of access to it shape your mental health?

Internalized racism, not just internalized homophobia, shaped my dating life — and my shame.

For example, a lot of my internalized shame didn’t just come from homophobia. It came from internalized racism. In the dating world, that meant seeking proximity to whiteness. When that dynamic gets activated, it can affirm you — or it can deeply wound you. That tension is a mental health determinant.

Relationships, Labels, and Seeking Connection

Marco:
 I loved how you write about relationships. In your chapter on “Seeking Connection,” you avoid all the conventional labels — boyfriend, partner, husband — and instead talk about how we form connection.

Rahim:
 That’s intentional. I’m interested in how queer relationships shape our mental health — not just whether we’re single or partnered. The landscape of connection-seeking for queer guys is complex. It involves navigating heteronormative messages about monogamy and long-term relationships, while also existing in a subculture that celebrates casual sex and independence.

Cities — especially big ones — are built to support anonymity, and that allows casual encounters to flourish. Those encounters aren’t inherently good or bad, but they hold psychological meaning. Sometimes they’re affirming. Other times they reinforce rejection and shame.

I wanted to explore all of that — the acculturative stress of entering queer spaces, the rewards and challenges of casual vs. long-term connection, and how those dynamics impact mental health.

Marco:
 And we often place our value in being partnered. If a relationship ends, or never materializes, it can make someone feel worthless — especially if they’ve been using it to feel validated.

Rahim:
Exactly. Part of the book’s goal is to help readers distinguish between external validation and internal worth.

Being single isn’t a failure. Wanting connection isn’t weakness. Our landscape is just more complex.

Dating, Rejection, and Queer Mental Health

Rahim:
In the book, I break relationships down into three chapters:

1. Seeking Connections
2. Managing Rejection
3. Endings in Queer Love

Each one reflects how central relationships are to queer men’s mental health. For example, dating apps are a big part of modern connection-seeking — but they also expose us to racism, body shaming, ageism, and more.

When someone has a history of rejection — especially as a queer or trans youth — that schema can get reactivated every time someone ghosts them or makes a cutting comment online. This isn’t just about having “thick skin.” It’s about recognizing how systems of power and internalized beliefs affect our emotional responses.

We live in a subculture where rejection is routine — but its impact is cumulative.

Marco:
And being in a relationship is often seen as an achievement, especially in queer spaces. People stay in painful relationships because they’re afraid of what it says if they’re alone. Your book invites readers to rethink that.

Rahim:
Totally. I also introduce the idea of the relationship escalator — the idea that love should follow one ideal trajectory: dating → monogamy → marriage → forever. That works for some people, but it’s not the only path to intimacy, security, or growth. I wanted to name that, and to celebrate other models.

Harm Reduction and Building Relationships with Substances

Marco:
Let’s talk about substance use and harm reduction — an important theme for our communities. How does your book support peer workers or people who use substances?

Rahim:
Back in 2011, I did my MSW practicum at CAMH’s Rainbow Services, and I learned a harm reduction definition I still use today. It includes the “Four Cs”:

• Craving
• Loss of Control
• Compulsive use (not impulsive — it’s about managing stress and maximizing access)
• Continued use despite consequences

That framework helps us move away from moralistic or abstinence-only thinking.

In the book, I use tools from structured relapse prevention — like the ABC Chart:

• A: What happened before you used?
• B: What did you do?
• C: What were the consequences?

Then I go a step further: for each point, I offer a harm reduction option. For example:

• If payday is your trigger, plan a budget in advance for fun.
• If you’re out drinking, alternate alcohol with soda water or limit yourself to singles.
• If you know you’ll feel hungover, schedule rest or get help to manage responsibilities the next day.

Harm reduction is about increasing awareness and building a relationship with the substance.

Marco:
Exactly. It’s not about eliminating use — it’s about helping people make informed choices and sustain themselves. Your book invites people to know themselves better with and around the substances they use.

The Writing Process — Making the Book Real

Marco:
Tell us a bit about the process of writing this book. What was it like?

Rahim:
It was humbling. When I first submitted the proposal, New Harbinger kept sending it back with notes like:
 “Talk directly to your reader.”
 “This is too academic.”
 “Imagine you’re speaking to an avatar.”

So I created a composite avatar — a fictional client based on many real ones — and tried to write as if I were in session with him. That helped me slow down, remove jargon, and make the tools more accessible.

My editor would constantly prompt me:
 “Could this section be a worksheet?”
 “Could you turn this example into a reflection exercise?”
 And they were right. Those prompts pushed me to make the book more interactive.

Marco:
You did such a beautiful job of blending personal, clinical, and practical elements. And I love that your chapter on “Milestone Heteronormativity” wasn’t even in the first draft — it grew from a suggestion!

Closing Reflections

Marco:
We’re almost out of time. Any final thoughts to share?

Rahim:I’m just really excited. This book tour is just starting. You can find all upcoming events on my site, thepoliticizedpractitioner.com.

I also have another book coming out this fall called The Politicized Practitioner, a three-volume collection about how politics and oppression show up in clinical work. Marco has two chapters in it!

Marco:
Thank you. I’ve loved watching your growth over the years — from working together in bathhouses to now sharing the stage (or Zoom screen).

This book fills a real gap — not just for clinicians, but for queer men everywhere.

Watch the video on YouTube

Access Free Worksheets and Handouts

To support your journey, I’ve created a library of free, downloadable worksheets that go hand-in-hand with the book. These include:

• The ABC Model for shifting core beliefs
• CBT Thought Analysis for ghosting, rejection, family triggers, internalized stigma
• Problem-Solving Templates for racialized stress, microaggressions, and shame
• GBTQ-Informed Relationship Models
• Decisional Balance Charts for coming out or building chosen family
• Mental Health Map Inventory + Self-Assessment

These tools are made to turn insight into action — whether you’re reading solo, in session, or offering support to someone else.

Download them free here: newharbinger.com/9781648485039
Look for the “Downloads” tab under the book description.

Join Me for this Summer’s Launch Events!

From May to August 2025, I’ll be hosting a series of in-person and virtual events to celebrate the book’s release. These aren’t just readings — they’re gatherings for reflection, connection, and community care.

RSVP to an author event here: http://thepoliticizedpractitioner.com

Order Now

The Mental Health Guide for Cis and Trans Queer Guys: Skills to Cope and Thrive as Your Authentic Self
Release Date: June 1, 2025
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Formats: Paperback, eBook, Audiobook

Available wherever books are sold — or request it from your local indie bookstore.

Early Praise

“Rahim’s writing is a gift — relatable, accessible, and deeply and truly empathetic.”
— Aaron Purdie, Executive Director, Health Initiative for Men

“A comprehensive guide to the specialized mental health needs of GBTQ men… relevant at any stage of their life process.”
— Nick J. Mulé, PhD, Professor, York University

“Rahim Thawer has written an essential and timely book in these difficult homophobic and transphobic times we live in.”
— Silva Neves, Author of Sexology

About the Author

Rahim Thawer (he/him) is a registered social worker (OCSWSSW), psychotherapist, and Canadian Certified Supervisor (CCS); he’s also a consultant, public speaker, and writer. He is the founder of Affective Consulting & Psychotherapy Services (est. 2014), through which he has delivered nearly 200 presentations and talks that inspire critical conversations and reflection on mental health, interpersonal effectiveness, systemic oppression, and innovation in queer relationships.

Rahim calls Toronto home and teaches in Tuscaloosa, at The University of Alabama, where he is a full-time instructor and also enrolled in the Doctor of Social Work (DSW) program. As a queer Muslim, his clinical work and scholarship consistently explore the intersections of mental health and systemic oppression. His doctoral research focuses on how anti-racist, queer-affirming psychoanalytic frameworks can better support social workers, therapists-in-training, and organizational leaders.

Sexuality-specific experience: Rahim developed and taught SMF 208 Introduction to Systemic Therapies and Anti-Oppressive Practice and SMF 309 Sex Therapy in the Department of Sexuality, Marriages and Family (SMF) Studies at St. Jerome’s University (at the University of Waterloo). He is a Fellow at the Bonham Centre for Sexual Diversity Studies at the University of Toronto. He also completed the Professional Certificate in Psychosexual Therapy offered by the Contemporary Institute of Clinical Sexology (CICS) based in the UK.

Rahim is the recipient of multiple awards that recognize his leadership and contributions to education, social justice, and anti-oppressive practice, including:

• The Gina Ogden Curatorial Scholarship for Integrative Approaches to Sex Research and TherapyKinsey Institute, Indiana University (2025)
• The Humanitarian AwardAmerican Association for Sexuality Educators, Counsellors and Therapists (AASECT, 2025)
• The Mary Smith Arnold Anti-Oppression Award from the
  Counsellors for Social Justice (CSJ), American Counselling Association (2025)
• The Honorary Award in Education from
  South Asian Americans for Change (SAAFC, 2025)
• The DSW Award for Writing to Advance Social Work and Social Justice from
  The University of Alabama (2025)
• The Distinguished Leader Award from the
  Ontario Association of Social Workers (OASW, 2024)

Published and Contracted Books

1. The Mental Health Guide for Cis and Trans Queer Guys
   (New Harbinger Press, June 2025)
2. The Politicized Practitioner: The Essential Reader for Social Workers & Psychotherapists — 3 Parts
   (Blue Cactus Press, February 2026)
3. Queer Muslims: On Faith, Family, and Healing
   (Co-editor; University of Regina Press, April 2026)
4. Sexualized Substance Use: A Guide for Mental Health Professionals (Routledge, 2027)

Self-Published Guides (View Here)

1. Reflexivity and Countertransference: The Supervision Companion Guide (2024)
2. Documenting Psychotherapy Interventions: A Guide for Eclectic Therapists (2024)
3. Individual Psychotherapy Assessment and History-Taking with Adult Clients: A Guide for the Eclectic & Generalist (2024)
4. Treatment Planning Reference Guide for CBT Clinicians (2024)

Keep Up with Rahim Here
@the.politicized.practitioner

This essay was first published on Medium on June 2, 2025.